HUNGRY, BUT DON'T WANT TO EAT?

On those days when I'm feeling too fat to eat a substantial dinner, I have started making these tomato thingies that look like they should be served at some random soiree where guests saunter around looking gaunt and lithe. Ummm, so maybe that description was a bit much, but you'll get the picture in a sec.

Here are the ingredients:

1 Roma tomato (depending on how thick you want the pieces, you can have anywhere from 5 to 8 slices)
Wheat Thins (or the like; I have the Target brand "Thin Wheats..." lame name, I know)
Hummus (I use Trader Joe's Cilantro Jalapeno Hummus)
Cheese (I had pepper jack cheese slices in the fridge; I used one slice cut into small pieces)
Cold Cuts (Healthy Choice is a good one... you just need one slice of meat cut into pieces; I prefer turkey)
Baby Spinach Leaves
Low Cal or Fat-Free Ranch Dressing

I arrange the tomato slices on a plate, and then I spoon just a dollop of hummus on each slice. Next I place one Wheat Thin cracker on each tomato slice. On top of that I put a slice of turkey meat (or whatever you decide to use; take one slice of sandwich meat and cut into little single pieces). On top of that I place a slice of cheese, one baby spinach leaf, and then I squeeze just a "dot" of ranch dressing. After all is said and done, it looks a little something like this...


One of my roommates tells me it's uber boring. I think it's good, and I'd totally make it the next time I have guests over; a perfect thing to serve along with wine and cheese, don't you think? And it fills me up those nights when I don't feel like eating dinner. In truth, it will hold me over for like a good 45 minutes, but to satiate myself further I'll drink tons of water or tea, and then force myself to go to sleep. HA. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Of course, I'd rather be eating this at night:


This is a pulled BBQ pork sandwich with fries & onion rings from L.A. Foodshow. I went to lunch with two friends there a few weeks back, and I took a picture of what was left before I tore into it. It was flavorful, the bun was soft, and the fries were... fries. I don't usually hate a fry, unless it's from In 'N Out, but even those I'll eat. Me and the roomies are actually headed to L.A. Foodshow tonight, so I'm hoping to do a full report soon.

V( --insert rest of word here--) DAY

Once more, the ever-commercialized "V" day has arrived... err--it's actually tomorrow, but there isn't a better day to de-glorify "V" day than today, Friday the 13th. Who could ask for anything more?

Sure, blame it on the Haterade. I guess I've been chugging a lot of the stuff down lately. But that aside, I am sure that I'm not the only one who thinks that "V" day is nothing more than an overrated holiday. In truth, it should be called "Venereal" (as in disease) day, because it's more or less just another day to serve up love and sex on a platter. I mean I get it, People In Love, this day is for you. Valentines Day is specifically for you to smooch every 5 minutes... to use up all of the flippin' dinner reservations in the city... to buy out the shelves of champagne, wine, cookies, cakes, whip-cream, ice cream, yada-yada-yada... to leave the kids with the grandparentals or babysitters... to sneak-in late at night... to do it for hours on end (if the stamina to last that long is still there). I get it, she gets it, and so does he... shit, the bum on the corner of Lincoln and Pico gets it, too. WE GET IT.

Don't think that just because I'm a single person that this note comes with malice. No, it does not. In fact, I pride myself in my current state of singleness because I just like it that way. But where in the calendar of days does it list a holiday specifically for ME?! Where are the "Happy Singles Day" cards, candy, and balloons? How about those "Thumbs-Up for being single!" t-shirts? And... and... the "Honk If You're Single" bumper stickers? Where the hell are they hiding those?

I'm not bitter. I'm just OVER it. In essence, "V" day is just another excuse for people to throw their love into other peoples' faces. Think about it the ramifications of this, will you? Think about all the lonely people out there who will fall into the post-"V" day slump, and walk into Ralph's to raid the clearance "V" day aisle, and drown themselves in the bags of un-sold Hershey's Kisses and "V" day Peeps! Those are the people who, in the end, will suffer ... they will eat themselves to obesity, and when you look into their eyes, all you will see is pure, unadulterated DISDAIN. And who will be to blame? Capitalism? Commercialism?

Think about that!
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In other news, I bought a new pair of boots yesterday! Saw them on-line for $125, but found them on another site for like $40! Who says you can't purchase happiness in a recession?!

"Happiness in a recession"

LETTER LACED WITH HATER-ADE

I just drank a bottle of Hater-ade, and decided to write this public letter to Beyonce Knowles regarding her song, "Ave Maria," which is on her latest album – I Am…Sasha Fierce.

Dearest Sasha Fierce,

I hate to break it to you, but your "Ave Maria" song is probably one of the dumbest songs that I have ever heard. It doesn’t even make sense.

Sasha, do you even know what “Ave Maria” means? From the lyrics of your song, it seems like you’re turning the phrase into a mantra for “exhaling.” Do you need to exhale? Whitney already did that, boo. Dig out the soundtrack from under all of your own CDs (unless your dad threw it away, which wouldn’t be surprising). Do you need to find the voice within? Christina already did that. Go find that CD, too, while you’re at it.

You may need to talk to someone about your complex. You’re now comparing yourself to Mary, the Mother of Jesus. Umm, no. Beyonce does not equal "Ave Maria." Neither does "Sasha Fierce."

I’m not gonna lie… the music itself is beautiful, and you sing it beautifully. But after all is said and done, you are still singing “Ave Maria,” but not really. I just hope you haven’t run out of ideas that you had to make up your own version of “Ave Maria” without really thinking it through. I mean we get it, B. You are so over-exposed that we get it. But “Ave Maria?”

Come on now! You know better than that, girl! Who do you think you are? Solange?

Frenemies,

W.