I, ALEC...

...am a proud member of the Volturi. I live in Volterra. I have special powers. And, most important of all, I am kind of a big deal. I'm one of the Volterra Wonder Twins, and my sister and I are totally kick-ass leaders of The Guard. You're jealous, I know.

I'm sorry. I totally just hallucinated.

But speaking of my brief moment of Volterra-esque obsession, I was actually quite shocked to find that amazon.com came through on its promise of bringing the Twilight DVD to my doorstep today. I feel like an effin' champ. The DVD came out today, and rumors of midnight release parties happening all over the nation was rampant.

It's not that I really loved the movie that much. In fact, it's actually pretty awful. But fortunately I read the book (and the three that follow it), and have found a vested interest in the movie for what it was worth: bringing the story of Twilight to life.

I, personally, don't think that I agree wholeheartedly with the overall cast of the film, let alone its direction. But it still does bring the story to life, so to speak. The only character that I felt was casted perfectly was 'Jessica Stanley' (portrayed by Anna Kendrick). I honestly felt the same annoyance with Kendrick's rendition of Jessica's annoyingness as I did when I read the book. Robert Pattinson is, for me, 'Edward Cullen,' although I personally wouldn't have originally picked him to play the role. But he's got the angst down to a science. And you can't really argue about Taylor Laughton as 'Jacob Black,' as well as Jackson Rathbone as 'Jasper Hale.' It's just too bad that the movie Jasper wasn't given as much of a time to shine as the book version did.

The rest of the cast was filled with many questionable choices. At the top of the list: Kristin Stewart as 'Bella Swan.' Bella's character is annoying as it is in the book. Stewart's version of Bella makes her annoyance 101%-more pronounced with her breathiness, her always-open mouth, and her lame facial expressions. Ashley Green wasn't pixie enough to be 'Alice Cullen.' Justin Chon was certainly not who I had in mind for 'Eric Yorkie.' And Peter Facinelli as 'Dr. Carlisle Cullen' was weird for me. I kept hearing "Trip McNeely!!!" in my head everytime 'Carlisle' came on-screen. So weird.

And the movie was riddled with poor dialogue, which was a shame since the book wasn't filled with such lameness (I guess we have screenwriter, Melissa Rosenburg, to blame for that). Of course there were a few lines that came straight out of the book, but for the most part that was not the case. It's a good thing that Catherine Hardewicke will not be directing New Moon. While her attempt at making Twilight was truly a nice one, it fell short on so many levels. If you watch the movie, you will note this quite obviously.

At any rate, I bought the DVD. Call it a personal act of loyalty to the phenomenon, which I still cannot believe has affected me as it has. And today, the day that the DVD was released, was special in a way. My sis, her friend Mai, my roomie Ning, and I sort of made an evening of it. We made dinner, drank beer (Peroni!), watched through disc 2, and then saw the movie again (we had all seen it in theaters prior). We laughed at the ridiculousness of it all, but yet were still entertained.

Twi-dinner: Meatloaf "muffin," rice and grilled squash/zucchini

The phenomenon has now come full-circle. My sights are now on New Moon. Chris Weitz, please do us proud.

SHEER DOUCHERY

I am almost positive that the world is absolutely tired of hearing about the crazy "octo mom" from California. At times, I don't know what's worse -- the fact that she's from California (my adopted home), or the fact that she's a heaping-hot mess.

What's really bad is that it's taken me this long to chime in. But hey, with life comes responsibilities. And the past few days I've been preoccupied with ditties like deciding whether or not I should work-out, figuring out where I'll be meeting friends for drinks, or pondering socio-environmental theories like global warming. Yeah, I've obviously had other things on my mind. Oh right, did I forget to mention that I'll be jobless in a couple of months? I may have completely forgotten about that fact ever since I've reached the "acceptance" stage of grief.

Excuse me. I just yawned.

In my world, I find it hard to escape news that is laden with douchery. Whether or not "douchery" is a grammatically acceptable term, I have no other words to describe the mess that is the octo mom. Yes, I just called Nadya Suleman a douche. Obviously she's not one in the same sense as, say, Ryan Seacrest. In fact, she may not be an actual douche, but the woman is definitely guilty of douchery. (So duh, that totally makes her a douche.)

So let's list some of Nadya's buffoonery:

(1) Nadya is a single-mom.

OK, I am not hating on her for being a single-mom. I actually place single-mom's close to my heart, because many of them are the sheer epitome of what a strong, beautiful woman is. (Shout-outs to my friends who are single-moms!) But let's face the facts here. Douchey Suleman already had six children before she plowed on with more of her invetro hijinks. Yes, her previous six children are the products of IVF. The new eight, well, you pretty much get the picture. This being said, I will re-phrase my statement: "Nadya is a STUPID & IRRESPONSIBLE single-mom." Better.

(2) Nadya thought that she'd be able to capitlize on her faux-fame as the IVF queen.

So Douchey Suleman is no "John & Kate + Eight." But I'm sure she was thinking that she'd trump John and Kate's celebrity with her own. But apparently DS will go down in infamy rather than celebrity. Faux-fame is no fame, bitch.

(3) Nadya got nipped and tucked.

Yes, I'm referring to her face. The woman is HURT! I'm almost positive that she got her facial work done by the same person who did Lisa Rinna's botched face job. It is apparent that DS' goal to be like Angelina (Jolie) was not reached; nor will it ever be. DS just looks like a fat chick with fat, fake lips. First of all, where they hell did this bitch get money for her IVF treatment? Secondly, where did she get the money to get her face did? Third, where does she get the money to raise her family? Is the current state of California's financial crisis partly due to DS' douchery?! I'm beginning to sense the connection here.

So I've managed to list three of DS' idiocies. I could probably list more, but I'm getting a headache trying.

I shall end my thoughts with this: Nadya "Douchey" Suleman is nothing but a claptrap. I feel sorry for her brood of innocent children, and I honestly only wish them the best. But in all reality, their mom needs to get her head straight. Too bad there isn't a pill to quell any sense of douchery.